This week on Tuesday I had my birthday and next Tuesday is Roy’s birthday. There are a lot of August/September birthdays around us as well – so we are also celebrating Kathy and Sue this week and more friends in the coming weeks.
I experienced such great kindness and the day was better than I could anticipate. There were bundtinis to share (and a lemon one for me) and a special supper delivered from BJ’s for us both from Cathy and Kathy, a box of warm cookies from Tiff’s Treats from Lisa and Derek, cute cat squishes and woodsy oil dropped off by Jess, and I brought home from the gym some elegant super-chocolate brownie truffle cups made by Julie and some chocolate chip cookies from Jordan. I also have a new puzzle from Leslie and Dan that I got to open. I enjoyed being able to share this bounty with anyone who came to the house on Tuesday and Wednesday.
I was not sure exactly what to do for Roy’s birthday – he says nothing, but that doesn’t seem quite right. One of the carers, Brenda, suggested decorating the room for him but this space is already chock-full of supplies and I don’t think decorations would even stand out. I am not sure what flavors he will even like on Tuesday, or if he will even want to eat, so choosing any treats will be a challenge. I want to celebrate his day with him if he is still here with us, but he’s not a big fuss person. I settled on ordering his favorite flowers, sunflowers, and they will be delivered on Tuesday.
We exist right now mostly in a bubble. The world is continuing outside the house at a different pace and with different priorities – Edouard brought one shower our way, there is an influx of people in town for the first football game weekend, and I saw a clash of Halloween and Christmas decor at the store, and apparently it is Labor Day weekend out there. Days are a bit blurry – I keep mixing up the day of the week and have to remind myself that it is actually September now. I am relearning the use of military time as we make notes on medications, what he’s eating, and so forth.
He is slowing down a bit more, showing some signs of end of life, and sleeping more. I am, conversely, struggling to sleep well and am regularly sent to my room to nap. I explained how this feels to my sister by text yesterday – I imagine this as similar to being on a shore and awaiting a tsunami, I cannot outrun it and I cannot avoid it. I can see his death coming but I don’t have a good sense of the time between becoming aware that it approaches and when it will hit. Meanwhile, I try to ignore that wave and concentrate on making Roy safe and comfortable and tending to fiddly, but necessary, things.
Roy has had visits from Gail who gave him some much appreciated foot and shoulder massage (and came back for a repeat when he sent up an SOS) and from Lisa and Derek who came by Monday evening. He’s seen Don and Dana – Don before/after he went with me to the funeral home to make arrangements and Dana after we went for a birthday lunch. Karen, Mary Ann and Steve came by and brought him some potato leek soup and basil, and Russ came by and had a good chat about the trips we used to take students on to London. This weekend has been quieter, although he has been watching some college football this evening. He will see Don and Russ again tomorrow.
Roy is still drinking Fresca and Gatorade (orange most often) but did ask for a coke and a Dr. Pepper Thursday night. He drank only a little Dr. Pepper, but we’re ready if he asks for a coke (or a ginger ale or a root beer – I thought a little anticipatory stocking would be useful after the mad-dash to buy soft drinks that night). He had some spaghetti with marinara and black olives for supper and a selection of fruit on Friday – green grapes, strawberries, and a plum. He’s still having drumstick ice creams and Fat Boy ice cream sandwiches but also had some divine french-toast casserole, and some pimento cheese and crackers from Carolyn. When he’s awake he is still conversing and watching baseball or financial things on the television. His temperature is fluctuating and he has asked to have ice packs on his back or his feet occasionally. Charles is still likely to be curled up next to him on the bed, Henry comes to check on him periodically, and Audrey swans through when the mood suits her.
He’s quieter and he’s sleeping more. He says his body is really, really tired and he’s a bit achy all over. I’ve reminded him that he has permission to go when he needs to go.
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Exploding Fire Extinguisher update: the company wants to examine the busted canister so it has provided a shipping label. They let me know that I actually bought two of them – so after a search of the house, I found the second one in the emergency supplies box. I have, as instructed, placed it in a box (“so it does not harm your possessions”) in the garage in preparation to be taken for disposal at Household Hazardous Waste day; I might see if the fire department would just like to discharge it. The company offered to send two replacement extinguishers but I accepted instead a set of four fire blankets which are on their way.
Waiting 
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